I know that technically, since it is after midnight, it is already tomorrow. BUT, my husband and I recently decided that tomorrow actually happens once you go to sleep and then wake up. That doesn't clear up the "I stayed up all night and now it should be tomorrow, but maybe it's still today" problem, but who's really keeping track? The point is, even though it is late, I am still going to be disciplined and write in my thankfulness journal.
Today, I am thankful for late nights. I am one of those people who needs at LEAST eight hours of sleep every night, preferably with a consistent bedtime and arise time. I do even better with ten! My reality looks more like five or six hours, with an erratic bedtime that is usually after midnight and a wake up time ranging from 4:30AM to 2:30PM. I survive on random naps taken out of desperation (mostly my husband's desperation, that is).
But today, I am thankful for late nights. Most of my best people connecting seems to happen after 10PM. Tonight, I spent almost three hours online with a new friend from Canada named Paulette. She is wonderful, and I am so blessed by her.
Lots of nights, the older kids and Tom and I just sit in the kitchen until all hours, reviewing all the stuff that went on that day and talking about how life works and how to love better. In fact, I would have to say that late nights contain some of my most treasured memories.
And besides, how does that saying go? We can sleep when were dead! :)
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Day 3 - It's Not a Performance!
Today I am thankful that my life isn't some elaborate performance designed to impress people I don't know and keep the real me hidden from those who love me.
I started this online journal of daily thankfulness 3 days ago. That was exactly 105 days after my husband Tom gave the assignment to our home church group (which, as his wife, I am pretty much a fully vested member of). The reason I know the exact day count is that my nine year old daughter Ella has been 100% faithful to her daily writing. She reminds me every single day of what numbered day she is on. I think she is fascinated at how quickly the days have added up. I'm certain this is the first time she has ever done something consistently for this long (not even tooth brushing has made that list!).
I, however, have been less than fascinated. Tom got the idea for the daily thankfulness journal from his friend Shawn Boreta, who started the discipline over a year ago and is blogging somewhere around Day 465 or so as we speak. My initial reaction to the idea was an immediate, "But I AM thankful, and I have no problem with gratitude!" Hmmm... 105 days later, after yet another major crash and burn brought on by my old critical nature, I finally humbled myself and admitted my tremendous need to begin focusing on what is wonderful, praiseworthy, positive and uplifting in my life. Guess what, Ella?!? I'm on Day 3!!
So last night, I was in a whirlwind of angst about my blog - if it's good enough, if I'm smart enough, if those who read it will like me... In his kind and calming way, Tom turned to me and said, "Anne-Lise, it's not a performance."
Wow! Really? You mean this isn't about impressing everyone or earning the title of world's most fabulous new blogger or most improved thankfulness journal on the worldwide web? The simple statement hit me square between the eyes. And then came the wave of gratitude, washing away my fear of exposure and leaving me looking forward to my next opportunity to put my thankfulness down in writing.
My life hasn't always been this wonderful. I haven't always lived in a family full of loving, supportive people who want what is best for me and are fully dedicated to growing together into the fullness of God's plan for us. I've never realized, until last night, that I don't have to live with a mask anymore - ever. I'm not performing in order to earn someone's love, and I'm not consumed with following the rules just right so I don't get the hammer smashed down on my head. It's pretty freeing, actually, and something I don't plan on taking lightly or forgetting anytime soon.
Thank you, Jesus, that you don't make me dance for my place with you. And thank you, thank you, thank you for blessing me with so very many things to be thankful for. At this rate, I don't see myself ever running out of good material. I'm sure Day 105 will be here before I know it...
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Day 2 - Speed Bumps
Today I am thankful for speed bumps. Not so much the big concrete mountains whose orange stripes rise up out of nowhere at the last second and bottom out your car as you tear through the parking lot. I'm thinking more of the theoretical speed bumps of life - the big ethereal kind without stripes, that rise up out of nowhere and bottom out your plans for productivity as you tear through your daily to do list. I can't say that gratitude has always been an emotion I've associated with the gut-wrenching momentum shift that follows the big "BUMP", but allow me to share some recent enlightenment.
If life can be likened to a race (which is the first analogy I would pick), I could be likened to an Olympic hopeful in the 100m sprint and the marathon (because I would want to dominate in both speed and endurance, of course). I have spent most of my life, thus far, running the track of life as hard and fast as I could. Practice makes perfect, you know! In my quest for productivity and achievement, people have been my most common speed bumps. When my kids were small, they were quite literally my speed bumps, as I would regularly trip over their diminutive bodies while tearing through the house on some super important mission or other (gotta get that perfectly folded laundry put away before they knock the neatly stacked piles over!).
In all fairness to my mothering skills, over the years I have tried really hard to remember to look down. And thankfully my kids have all grown to a height that they are longer under my line of sight. Oh, if only the rest of life's speed bumps self-corrected over time...
But back to the gratitude part. What I am discovering is that the more relationships I engage in, the more speed bumps my life has. Every time I experience that unexpected, bone-jarring jolt, I am shocked into the present. All at once, I am required to slow down so that I can maneuver a densely populated stretch of life with a little more care and at a much safer speed.
During this slow down, I have come to recognize the beauty of the scenery around me, especially the faces of the people that God has blessed into my life. At this pace, I have the capacity to produce more graceful words, as my thoughts have more time to process. I also get a chance to catch a deep breath or two, a luxury I don't allow myself under normal speeds and circumstances.
I know myself well enough to acknowledge that this "speed bump" speed is not my most favorite, and it isn't one I will stick with once I hit the next open stretch of highway. After all, I've got places to go and things to accomplish! But I am so grateful for these regular interruptions in my life. In fact, they are not really interruptions at all. They are a much needed part of my life - especially as I learn to cultivate the richness of intimate relationships with God, myself and others.
I'm laughing as I try to finish writing this. I've had no less than ten interruptions by my kids (I counted for the sake of accuracy). I had to get up and serve another helping of potatoes - twice! I had to pause and listen to a detailed explanation of a drawing of every sea animal known to man (or at least this seven year old man!), and then provide a list of animals he had left out. I had to give a lesson in cursive to my nine year old and then admire the carefully practiced result. I had to catch up on the latest with my husband as he carefully averted his eyes from my partially-written blog (we have a strict, no over-the-shoulder peeking agreement while our writing is in process). Ahhh... I'm glad four of the kids aren't home yet!
And yet, I still got my thankfulness journal entry done, AND I got to place importance on some of the people that are teaching me the most about love and joy. And every time I paused, I came back with a better perspective, so in fact, this turned out better because of the speed bumps. Thank you, Lord, for every speed bump in my life! :)
If life can be likened to a race (which is the first analogy I would pick), I could be likened to an Olympic hopeful in the 100m sprint and the marathon (because I would want to dominate in both speed and endurance, of course). I have spent most of my life, thus far, running the track of life as hard and fast as I could. Practice makes perfect, you know! In my quest for productivity and achievement, people have been my most common speed bumps. When my kids were small, they were quite literally my speed bumps, as I would regularly trip over their diminutive bodies while tearing through the house on some super important mission or other (gotta get that perfectly folded laundry put away before they knock the neatly stacked piles over!).
In all fairness to my mothering skills, over the years I have tried really hard to remember to look down. And thankfully my kids have all grown to a height that they are longer under my line of sight. Oh, if only the rest of life's speed bumps self-corrected over time...
But back to the gratitude part. What I am discovering is that the more relationships I engage in, the more speed bumps my life has. Every time I experience that unexpected, bone-jarring jolt, I am shocked into the present. All at once, I am required to slow down so that I can maneuver a densely populated stretch of life with a little more care and at a much safer speed.
During this slow down, I have come to recognize the beauty of the scenery around me, especially the faces of the people that God has blessed into my life. At this pace, I have the capacity to produce more graceful words, as my thoughts have more time to process. I also get a chance to catch a deep breath or two, a luxury I don't allow myself under normal speeds and circumstances.
I know myself well enough to acknowledge that this "speed bump" speed is not my most favorite, and it isn't one I will stick with once I hit the next open stretch of highway. After all, I've got places to go and things to accomplish! But I am so grateful for these regular interruptions in my life. In fact, they are not really interruptions at all. They are a much needed part of my life - especially as I learn to cultivate the richness of intimate relationships with God, myself and others.
I'm laughing as I try to finish writing this. I've had no less than ten interruptions by my kids (I counted for the sake of accuracy). I had to get up and serve another helping of potatoes - twice! I had to pause and listen to a detailed explanation of a drawing of every sea animal known to man (or at least this seven year old man!), and then provide a list of animals he had left out. I had to give a lesson in cursive to my nine year old and then admire the carefully practiced result. I had to catch up on the latest with my husband as he carefully averted his eyes from my partially-written blog (we have a strict, no over-the-shoulder peeking agreement while our writing is in process). Ahhh... I'm glad four of the kids aren't home yet!
And yet, I still got my thankfulness journal entry done, AND I got to place importance on some of the people that are teaching me the most about love and joy. And every time I paused, I came back with a better perspective, so in fact, this turned out better because of the speed bumps. Thank you, Lord, for every speed bump in my life! :)
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Day 1 - Truth
Today, I am thankful for Truth! I am glad there is something out there that is so much bigger than me, that was Created by a Being infinitely more wise and loving than me. I love that, no matter what I think I know or how often I change my mind, Truth will always remain the same. I love the reward of discovering Truth: FREEDOM! In my most confused and hopeless moments, I am learning to rest in the fact that Truth will always remain. I am confident that the sword of truth, which pierces through all the extraneous muck of confusion, doubt and self-pity, always reveals the beautiful, simple reality that never changes: TRUTH! Today, as I struggle to define my position in relationships that mean so much to me, I am comforted by the fact that even though I don't know what to do next, I will learn from this struggle. I will discover the truth underneath all this confusion, and I can already rest in the fact that truth is in operation. I am glad that God's Word is Truth and that God is faithful to reveal His Truth to me whenever I am willing to learn. Lord, help me!
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