Day 3 - It's Not a Performance!

Today I am thankful that my life isn't some elaborate performance designed to impress people I don't know and keep the real me hidden from those who love me.

I started this online journal of daily thankfulness 3 days ago.  That was exactly 105 days after my husband Tom gave the assignment to our home church group (which, as his wife, I am pretty much a fully vested member of).  The reason I know the exact day count is that my nine year old daughter Ella has been 100% faithful to her daily writing.  She reminds me every single day of what numbered day she is on.  I think she is fascinated at how quickly the days have added up.  I'm certain this is the first time she has ever done something consistently for this long (not even tooth brushing has made that list!).  

I, however, have been less than fascinated.  Tom got the idea for the daily thankfulness journal from his friend Shawn Boreta, who started the discipline over a year ago and is blogging somewhere around Day 465 or so as we speak.  My initial reaction to the idea was an immediate, "But I AM thankful, and I have no problem with gratitude!" Hmmm... 105 days later, after yet another major crash and burn brought on by my old critical nature, I finally humbled myself and admitted my tremendous need to begin focusing on what is wonderful, praiseworthy, positive and uplifting in my life.  Guess what, Ella?!?  I'm on Day 3!!

So last night, I was in a whirlwind of angst about my blog - if it's good enough, if I'm smart enough, if those who read it will like me... In his kind and calming way, Tom turned to me and said, "Anne-Lise, it's not a performance."  

Wow!  Really?  You mean this isn't about impressing everyone or earning the title of world's most fabulous new blogger or most improved thankfulness journal on the worldwide web?  The simple statement hit me square between the eyes.  And then came the wave of gratitude, washing away my fear of exposure and leaving me looking forward to my next opportunity to put my thankfulness down in writing. 

My life hasn't always been this wonderful.  I haven't always lived in a family full of loving, supportive people who want what is best for me and are fully dedicated to growing together into the fullness of God's plan for us.  I've never realized, until last night, that I don't have to live with a mask anymore - ever. I'm not performing  in order to earn someone's love, and I'm not consumed with following the rules just right so I don't get the hammer smashed down on my head.  It's pretty freeing, actually, and something I don't plan on taking lightly or forgetting anytime soon.  

Thank you, Jesus, that you don't make me dance for my place with you.  And thank you, thank you, thank you for blessing me with so very many things to be thankful for.  At this rate, I don't see myself ever running out of good material.  I'm sure Day 105 will be here before I know it...