I am beginning to think of this thankfulness journal as more of a self-revelation journal! It seems like every time I sit down to write, it ends up being about letting go of what I thought I was about and embracing who God is showing me I really am. There is a whole lot to be thankful for when the truth is being revealed as I hold the mirror up to my life!
Today, I am thankful that God has been so merciful in keeping me surrounded by people throughout my whole life. I know many people that have gone through long periods of aloneness, during which they learned many life-changing lessons. I have often wondered why my life has always been full of lots and lots of people. Yesterday at work, I got a clearer picture.
My oldest daughter Rachel and I have been cleaning a manufacturing facility for the past two years. We have thoroughly enjoyed all the talk time on the 45 minute drive to and from, and we've gotten to know the people who work there like family members. Two months ago, Rachel decided to get some schooling and pursue some other interests, so I took over the cleaning by myself.
I have been pretty proud of the job I am doing, handling the cleaning of the large facility all by myself. I am also proud of the fact that we haven't had to hire help, so all the finances still remain in the household. But yesterday, someone mentioned how I never smile anymore, and I am always in such a hurry. Well, I thought to myself, I AM in a hurry. There is a lot to clean, and it's all up to me, and if I don't stay focused, it will never get done. But, as I mentioned before, these people have become like family, so I took the man's comment to heart. I chose several people whose opinion I value and asked them what they think of the difference, now that I'm cleaning without Rachel. The response was unanimous: "It's just as clean, just not as fun."
Ouch! When we starting cleaning here, Rachel and I decided it would never be about the muddy floors and dirty toilets. It would be about the people. We have prayed for them, cried with them, encouraged them, gone shopping with them, shared lunch with them. We make sure the plant shines, but we have always made it about THEM, not the work. It hit me all at once - in my effort to be the big hero to my family, I had neglected the human element of my job! I had my nose to the grindstone, and it was all about the muddy floors and the dirty toilets. And I was aghast, because people NOTICED! Everyone noticed, even my husband, who wasn't even there while I was cleaning. "You act like you dread going there now", was his first comment when I asked for his input.
So my big plan to save the day all by myself was a dismal failure. But the realization that came out of all this is priceless. Contrary to my former opinion of myself, I am not at my best when I stand alone. I am at my best when I am together with others, when I am actively engaged in the business of building relationships, and when I am consciously putting people before things.
I can look back over my whole life and see God's merciful hand on me when I was born into a family of eight, where I don't remember a single childhood memory where I was alone in the house. I married right after high school and had a bunch of babies of my own. When my first husband left me, God instantly (quite literally) blessed me with Tom. And as if a household of six wasn't big enough, God added Rachel and her two kids three years ago. It is so easy to see, in light of yesterday's feedback, that if I had lived my life by myself and for myself (as I used to dream that I would), building a big, successful career and accomplishing a lot of stuff, I would have missed out on the awesome fullness of relationships and growth God had planned for me.
I am so thankful that I am living a life that is bursting with deep, meaningful relationships that God has blessed me with. I am also very thankful that God has blessed me with a well-paying job that allows me to be a blessing to a bunch more people. I am changing my perspective to bring a more thankful and people-oriented focus back into my work starting next week. Also, Rachel has agreed to come help every Friday, just to add a little more fun back into the mix! Thank you, God, for Your awesome plans! You always know what is best!!!
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